This is no time for satire...we're in a pandemic!

This project started shortly after we went into lockdown in the Spring of 2020. Along with many other Covidiots I found it very difficult to take the whole thing seriously. “You evil granny killer!” the devotees all shouted. Well actually they didn’t shout it - they sat behind their laptops and courageously typed it. I thought this was very unfair. After all, I was only killing the grannies who, like me, were ignoring all the advice and trying to carry on with their lives, not the ones who were obediently staying at home, frantically wiping all their surfaces down with anti-bacs and washing their hands until they bled. In truth I am very granny-friendly and would probably do a good turn for the elderly more than most Covid devotees but I won’t dwell too much on my kind nature or the next thing I’ll be looking for virtue-seeking profile frames on Facebook.  However, the problem I had with lockdown was that everything about it seemed so disproportionate and inhumane to me, particularly to those people it was supposed to be protecting. It seemed like sawing someone’s leg off to cure a verruca.

Nevertheless, I started to have doubts about my moral compass. Was I really a granny killer? Everyone else seemed to be with the programme...I must be some sort of fascist if I believed it was the individual’s responsibility to look after his own health. Then I saw a helpful explanation of the condition I was suffering from on a MSM website: I had a personality disorder. Thank goodness! I was sure with the help of a decent therapist I could correct this wrong-think that I was experiencing...

Well, I would have gone to a therapist but they were all closed down due to Covid. In any case therapy is expensive and as the government had closed down my business too, I wanted to save my pennies for life’s little luxuries – like feeding my wife and kids. So, instead I found peace with my covidiocy and started to laugh out loud at the whole ridiculous debacle. Why was the anarchic world of satire not with me though? Aren’t they supposed to laugh at the powerful and influential when they get too big for their boots? This might be a conspiracy theory but I’m suspicious that all the decent satirists were abducted sometime after the millennium and then replaced with humanoid lookalikes who only made politically correct jokes (please excuse the oxymoron). So the only solution was to try and write my own satire. Since then I have been on a one man crusade trying to piss-take my way back to freedom and liberty. Okay, it hasn’t worked very well so far but I may as well carry on laughing – if I don’t I’ll cry!

Andy Lambeth

Dudley Moore and Peter Cook

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